In a previous post, I mentioned that I haven't actually seen my son, Navy, since Christmas, even though he lives about 6 miles away from us. It's unusual, but they were busy, and they even went to Antigua. Time goes by so fast that it didn't really dawn on me that it had been that long. However, we did keep in touch through text messages and occasional phone calls.
Yesterday, we arrived - everything seemed to be going well. Navy was anxious about grilling the perfect tri-tip for me. He just wanted it to be special. While he was grilling on the patio, Sara and I chatted in the kitchen. When he brought the meat inside and started carving it, he noticed it was still raw. We like our meat rare, but this was too raw even for us. We suggested that he put it back on the grill, but he seemed confused and wasn't making much sense. Suddenly, he started sweating profusely, looked like he was about to pass out - and his face turned beet red. He was shaking so much that I thought he was having a heart attack. I asked his wife if he was okay, and she told me that he had been having anxiety attacks for the past few months.
No one told me! Happy Mother's Day, Debby!
He was clammy, looked terrible, had a greyish face, and was still shaking. I suggested taking him to the ER, but both he and Sara poo-pooed that idea. He promised to see a doctor instead. At the time, my husband was totally unaware of what was going on, as he was still outside tending to the meat on the grill.
Then he broke down in tears and confided in me about his worsening anxiety attacks. He has lost two close friends in the last six months. The first was a navy friend who committed suicide, and the second was Joe, who worked at the Veteran's Home with him and has been bravely fighting cancer. Joe passed on Wednesday, and clearly, Navy was grieving. Joe was 41. Navy is 39.
He promised me he would get a check-up, which he hasn't had since he was in the Navy. He told me that he doesn't feel like himself. My husband suggested he call the VA clinic to get in and speak to someone. Not only does he need a physical but also a mental evaluation of the anxiety. When he got out of the military, he went through a depression.
Once again, I have to let them handle it. But I can still nag and nag - until he gets to a doctor. I wish I had nagged Michael - I suggested, and he did eventually go to the ER, but they told him he had heartburn. He needed tests! Instead, he suffered for 3 weeks, thinking he had heartburn, and then died. At that time, he didn't tell me.
Because if he had, I would have flown down there and escorted him to a Doctor!
So, how long should I wait till I start nagging?
Time fly's and before we know it months have passed since we last saw someone.
ReplyDeleteOh no anxiety attacks are horrible and mum often seems to be the last to know. Some males are terrible at asking for help or admitting their mental health isn't good.
I think the younger men tend to think they are immune to bad health. Middle aged men begrudgingly will go to the doctor if something is wrong after some severe nagging from the women in their lives. Old guys can go either way.
DeleteOh Debby, I'm so sorry this happened to your son on Mother's Day. Poor guy, he has been through a lot of anxiety and grief with the passing of two of his friends. You did the right thing by nagging him about seeing a doctor. It may be nothing serious, but the fact that he said he hasn't been feeling well suggests that he should see someone. Keep us updated. The sons in our lives have big roles, and they seldom complain. Sending you love and comfort on this worrisome day.
ReplyDelete~Sheri
**I had to Thank You for letting me know what that site was at the park. I thought it was something like that, but didn't know. I can see it being displayed at the entrance though, cause that is one of the oldest parks in my hometown, and the land there was bought back in 1917, like I mentioned. So, there's lots of history that exists at this park, being over 100 years old.
Also, I loved that picture of the dandelions. I've never seen them clustered together like that before.
Thanks Sheri - I’m thinking it’s anxiety and the realization that he’s getting older. I just want him to have his heart checked.
DeleteAs for the ww1 machine gun - I showed my husband and he told me. I thought it was something like that. Yeah that is a cool old park!
I hope Navy gets some help. I started taking Welbutrin this year and it helped me tremendously. I didn't really know I had a problem except I told the doctor how frustrated with taking care of my sister. Life can be a challenge and any help is good help.
ReplyDeleteWhen to start the nag is when you know they are not doing anything. Navy will be in my prayers.
I’m glad you knew enough to get some help! Left untreated it can get worse. Well if he has anxiety he probably inherited that from me. I’ve always been a mental health advocate! I know me and when I start to feel like life is beating me up, I get help. I respond very well to counseling. I also work a 12 step program.
DeleteThanks Ann.
The question of the century. A friend hurt his knee and of course when he described the pain and his inability to use his leg, I suggested seeing a doctor. He said he was thinking about it. That was last week and he's still thinking about it. He's still having trouble getting up and down, but he's giving it another day. I would have been to the walk-in clinic at least and definitely been in touch with my orthopedist. I cannot comprehend it.
ReplyDeleteI don’t get it either!
DeleteI say start the nagging now and keep it up, even drive the 6 miles to do it. He is a MAN and will not go to a doctor unless nagged. Bob has been nagged for 40 years. he waits until he falls down or can't get out of bed and I rush him to ER. since we are married I make the appt, tell him when it is and make him go. he curses a lot but he goes. you can't do that with a married son but you can nag.. so sorry, prayers for Navy. my dad was not a typical male, he went to the doctor every time he sneezed.
ReplyDeleteMY husband will eventually go to the VA, but it does take a few nags from me.
DeleteI'm so sorry for you and your son. When our children hurt we hurt. Praying he gets help and feels like himself again soon
ReplyDeleteThank You Judy. I do too.
DeleteGosh, poor Navy!! Occasionally I get anxiety attacks. They're paralyzing. Definitely not fun! For real, just advise one thing to him please to cut back on and give up sugar/carbs. That's helped me so much. I seldom have one now. All our diets are deplorable with all this processed sugar in our food. Hope he goes to the doc to make sure it's not something that requires medicine as well. Sending Prayers 💙
ReplyDeleteAbout 25 years ago, I went through a hard time and had anxiety attacks. Thanks for your prayers.
DeleteI am sorry to hear about your son's health concerns. At first I thought maybe he was diabetic. or heart issues. But panic attacks can mimic a lot of those things. My hubby has had them occasionally and it is always scary. Praying Navy will follow through and get some help. We can't just assume it is a panic attack, but I can understand why he is having them. Losing close friends and people close in age is upsetting. Praying for him and also for you to be at peace. Sometimes all we can do for our adult children is pray as they don't listen to advice. But God has ways of getting through to them, so just pray. (((hugs)))) Love the picture of the dandelions.
ReplyDeleteHe apparently has a lot of symptoms. He needs to go to the doctor. So far he hasn't even made an appointment.
Delete(((hugs))) our kids are always our kids. I do think you need to push gently but get him to the VA for help. He needs to learn how to cope and I think the VA can help. Of course Prayer is called for too.
ReplyDeletePraying
Sue
Yes the VA can plug him in.
DeleteWe never stop worrying about our kids, do we? No matter how old we get! I know several men that getting them to the doctor is like pulling teeth! My husband is one of them, yet my best friend's husband goes at the drop of a hat when he needs to! I hope Navy is ok. Anxiety and panic attacks are nothing to take lightly!
ReplyDeleteNo we will worry about them to our graves.
DeleteI wonder if along with the anxiety attacks he is also going through a bout of depression again. Push gently put he needs to be checked out. I will say prayers for Navy and his family (you too of course).
ReplyDeleteGod bless.
I'm wondering if it is also because they cannot get pregnant. There is a lot going on and he needs to learn how to deal with it all.
DeleteI agree with your husband that Navy needs to reach out to the VA before his mental issues cause serious problems.
ReplyDeleteI know
DeleteSomeone in my family suffers from panic attacks and has been taken to the hospital twice for it-not knowing what it was. They tried meds for it but that made it even worse. After trying two different meds they started practicing some relaxation exercises and that has helped immensely. They also have a trick (breathing, I think) that they do as soon as they feel an attack coming on. That also followed the loss of two friends (both in their 30s). God bless you. I know how hard it is and I hope Navy will go get the help he needs. Gently push until it happens. xo Diana
ReplyDeleteI like that - gentle pushes or gentle nagging.
DeleteMen not going to the doctor is so so common. About 8 years ago Jim and I went camping. He was limping a bit when we went but I thought maybe he had twisted his ankle a bit at first. He managed to go hiking a few times so I didn't think much of it. The last day we were there he got a bit of a fever and I ran to town to get a thermometer. Well his tempature was up a bit. The day after we returned it was my birthday and we met my family for dinner. The next day I told him to go see a doctor and of course when I got home from work he slept all day and didnt even try to go. I made him get in the car and took him to an urgent care facility. When the doctor saw us she was very brutal with him telling him to get to the ER and that he might lose his foot or die. He had a bad infection in his foot. He ended up in the hospital for an entire week and two foot surgeries as well. Took several months for his foot to heal completely. He also found out that he was diabetic as well which I expect his previous doctor told him a couple years ago that he was pre-diabetic.
ReplyDeleteOM goodness. That's pretty bad. Procrastinators do this. Others are just fearful. I had a brother-in-law who hated being inside a hospital. He would get claustrophobic. But when his 2nd son was born at 26 weeks, he finally broke that barrier. He was always afraid for bad news at the doctor so he'd rather not go. Talk about denial!
DeleteI'm a first born too with those same tendencies. However, my brother was born 14 months after me so I didn't get to be an only child for too long!
ReplyDeleteMen are so bad about going to the Dr. I hope Navy goes, there are some good treatments for that, so he doesn't have to stress about that on top of the others things he has going on.
I'm not holding my breath.
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